The A.V. Club - Hatecast

Brian Williams Really Wanted To Be On This Podcast

Amelie Gillette — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 13:46:00 -0600

In this very special Thanksgiving edition of The Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette returns to talk to The Onion's Digital Director Baratunde Thurston about how their aunt's stuffing is superior to your aunt's stuffing.

Hatecast #43: Brian Williams Really Wanted To Be On This Podcast

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Your Dog Doesn't Care About Patron

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 00:00:00 -0500

This week on a very special episode of the Hatecast, Theo learns a lesson about the real world and the value of a dollar when Cliff and Claire clean out Theo's room and make him buy back every one of his possessions from Rudy's "furniture store." Oh wait. That's The Cosby Show. This week on the Hatecast, Amelie Gillette and Hatecast veteran Brandon Haynes discuss Pam Grier's coked-up cervix; computers for girls; nightclubs for dogs; And Donald Trump's less-than-convincing Get Well card for Bret Michaels. (You can see why there would be confusion.)

Hatecast #42: Your Dog Doesn't Care About Patron

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It Rubs The Sex And The City On Its Skin

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 00:00:00 -0500

The Hater podcast is fun, flirty, fabulous, and 40 episodes old. To celebrate this most fab of birthdays, Amelie Gillette and former Onion editor/current Hatecast veteran Megan Ganz tried to use as many "f" words as possible when discussing Sex And The City vs. The Arab World, the "brave" new world of unairbrushed photos, and those pesky Arrested Development movie rumors.

Hatecast #41: It Rubs The Sex & The City On Its Skin

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All Of Them Ninjas

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 00:00:00 -0500

It's numerology appreciation week at the Hater podcast! In honor of the occasion, Amelie Gillette and Joe Garden, the esteemed Features Editor of The Onion, only discussed topics with a rage quotient of 7. Perfect rage! In no particular order, those topics are: Babies and other idiotic movie titles; the spate of ninjas with resumes; and why some people are disappointed Conan didn't start an actual late night war. Please, put their ramblings in your ears!

Hatecast #40: All Of Them Ninjas

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Gwyneth Paltrow Should Be Sent To The Tower

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 00:00:00 -0500

It's the week after Easter, and the Hater podcast has some great ideas for storing your Easter decorations so they'll be bright and Easter-y when you "resurrect" them next year. Well, it's really just one great idea: take all of your Easter decorations, throw them in the garbage, and then listen to Amelie Gillette and Videogum's Gabe Delahaye as they discuss Mr. Mariah Carey, Dame Gwyneth Paltrow, Nicholas "I'm exactly like Hemingway" Sparks, and more.

Hatecast #39: Gwyneth Paltrow Should Be Sent To The Tower

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The -istas Must Be Stopped

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 00:00:00 -0500

On this week's Day After April Fool's Day edition of the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and friend of The Onion Caroline Creaghead discuss Kelsey Grammer's social networking site; "kitchenistas"; Demi Moore's co-opting of Prince-speak; Madonna's daughter's clothing line, and a few more terrible things that in a just world would be pranks.

Hatecast #38: The -istas Must Be Stopped

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Men Are From Mars, Jennifer Love Hewitt Is Insane

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 00:00:00 -0500

In this edition of the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and The Onion's Editor-In-Chief Joe Randazzo discuss three things that are like papercuts to the brain: Jennifer Love Hewitt's love advice book/cry for help; Vince Neil's rockin' airline/misery-for-hire; and an actor who is allegedly the key to the mysteries of Lost/the scourge of rabid Lost fans. Go ahead: Enjoy!

Hatecast #37: Men Are From Mars, Jennifer Love Hewitt Is Insane

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Mike Tyson: Boxer, Rapist, Pigeon-Racing Star Of Animal Planet

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 00:00:00 -0500

It's the 35th edition of the Hatecast. In honor of the occasion, Amelie Gillette and Onion News Network writer/director Lang Fisher did their best JFK impressions for 35 wisely unrecorded minutes before discussing Mike Tyson's passion for pigeon-racing; why E!'s Pretty Wild would be nothing without an arrest for burglary; and how horse-murdering turned Lisa Jo Druck into Rielle Hunter.

Hatecast #36: Mike Tyson: Boxer, Rapist, Pigeon-Racing Star Of Animal Planet

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Kirstie Alley's Diet Drink Will Save The World

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 00:00:00 -0600

This week on the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and Will Tracy, Assistant Editor of The Onion, gear up for St. Patrick's Day by ignoring St. Patrick's Day entirely. (Also they drove snakes into the recording studio, just to be contrary.) Instead they talk about Kirstie Alley's delusions of organic diet drink grandeur; which room of your metaphorical house bad self-help books should be in; and Betty White's obvious rivalry with Rue McClanahan. Please put their ramblings in your ears!

Hatecast #35: Kirstie Alley's Diet Drink Will Save The World

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Our Contractually Obligated Real Housewives Mega-Hatecast

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 00:00:00 -0600

There are certain important terrible things so terrible The Hater podcast must examine them in depth. In this very special edition of the Hatecast, Amelie Gillette and Onion News Network Associate Producer Liz Koe bravely dissect one of these all-consuming important terrible things: Bravo's Real Housewives franchise. Put a spoon in your mouth and brace yourself for discussion of people who commission giant oil portraits of their face, tell underprivileged girls to marry counts, and use the term "prostitution whore." The Real-Housewives-induced mini-strokes await you.

Go ahead, click play. (And thanks to everyone who filled out this survey. You are the real heroes. If you haven't filled out the survey yet, and would like to gain entry to the imaginary hall of real survey-taking heroes, click here.)

Hatecast #34: Our Contractually Obligated Real Housewives Mega-Hatecast

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Natalie Portman's Stoner Comedy Is So High

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0600

Curling: What is it? What does it mean for you? And where can you get those special ice brooms? Luckily this week's Hatecast assembled a team of investigators to actively ignore all those questions. Instead Amelie Gillette and Derrick Comedy's DC Pierson, author of The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep And Never Had To and star of Mystery Team, discuss what Australia expects from Whitney Houston; how The Marriage Ref came to be; the problem with pot comedies; and Charlie Sheen's rehab continuum.

Go ahead, have a listen. (And when you're done, please fill out this survey. It only takes a minute, and it would be very helpful. Thank you.)

Hatecast #33: Natalie Portman's Stoner Comedy Is So High

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What Would Jay-Z Do?

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 09:30:00 -0600

This week on the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and Amy Ozols, a writer for Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, learn that All Dogs Go To Heaven is apparently just a cruel, cruel fantasy. Other harsh lessons from this Hatecast include: post-Rapture pet-sitting services exist; everyone should be more like Jay-Z; and Madonna will never stop. Go ahead: listen and learn.

Hatecast #32: What Would Jay-Z Do?

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Bruce Willis Is A Wannabe Wolfman

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0600

It's almost Valentine's Day! In honor of the holiday, Amelie Gillette and Onion News Network Senior Writer Jack Kukoda don't mention the holiday once. (Not even the Garry Marshall version.) Instead they discuss Bruce Willis's tips for wolf-killin'; the baby version of Shark Week; whether or not it's possible to ruin the Jersey Shore brand; and more. It is so Dereon.

Hatecast #31: Bruce Willis Is A Wannabe Wolfman

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This Podcast Is Like In Cold Blood With Humor

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0600

This week on the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and former Onion video contributor/current writer and producer for Grist.org, Jennifer Prediger record their very own version of "We Are The World." It sounds a lot like the two of them discussing Steven Tyler's unwanted karaoke adventures; Harvey Weinstein's tips for NPR interviews; and Italy's sudden, unexplainable love for Auntie Mame. Please, put their ramblings in your ears.

Hatecast #30: This Podcast Is Like In Cold Blood With Humor

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Oscar Fever Is A Terminal Illness

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 00:00:00 -0600

In this very special edition of The Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and former Onionite Brandon Haynes pass out at the gym after starving themselves for a day then using the stationary bike for about 30 minutes. Wait. Actually, that's the plot of the very special Full House episode where DJ struggled with anorexia (for 24 hours). In this very special, award-season edition of The Hater podcast, Amelie and Brandon discuss everything that is terrible about award shows, including red-carpet questions, tremor acceptance speeches, Sandra Bullock, and more.

Hatecast #29: Oscar Fever Is A Terminal Illness

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Spartacus Promises Historically Accurate Orgies

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 00:00:00 -0600

It's the annual January doldrums edition of the Hater podcast! So switch on your Seasonal Affective Disorder lightbox treatment and stare, stare, stare into it while listening to Amelie Gillette and Onion Staff Writer Seth Reiss talk about cable's love of historical sex shows; the upcoming Us Weekly guide to using words like "momshell"; and awful, guilt-by-association movie taglines.

Hatecast #28: Spartacus Promises Historically Accurate Orgies

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Avatar Is Probably Going To Kill You

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 00:00:00 -0600

This week we hightail it to New York City's Apollo Diner in search of the sloppiest gyro this side of...whoops that's Diners, Drive-Ins, & Dives. Easy mistake considering the many similarities between that program and this podcast. This week on the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and Onion alumna Jessie Altman discuss the many ways Avatar can kill you; Paul Reiser's forthcoming children's book Jay Leno & The Big Bad Network; and the people who call themselves "paleos."

Hatecast #27: Avatar Is Probably Going To Kill You

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Domino's Cannot Believe You Were Eating Domino's

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 00:00:00 -0600

What hats should you wear in the new year? For this week's edition of the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and The Onion's Web Editor Baratunde Thurston endeavored to find out by consulting the country's hottest haberdashers and milliners. Turns out swan's down is back for 2010. But instead of turning the Hatecast into Millinery Chat, Amelie & Baratunde decided to discuss Tyra Banks' television demise; People magazine hanging a Jonas Brother's marital bedsheet up for the world to see (metaphorically speaking); Domino's sudden hatred of Domino's pizza, and more!

Hatecast #26: Domino's Cannot Believe You Were Eating Domino's

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How To Talk About Insufferable Child Authors

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 00:00:00 -0600

This week's Hatecast, which happens to be the last Hatecast of 2009, is so full of holiday cheer it's like sticking candy canes strung with dangling Hallmark Keepsake ornaments in both of your ears. Amelie Gillette and The AV Club's very own Nathan Rabin discuss a cute kid author and his terminally cute series of cute advice books; Rolling Stone: The Restaurant; Lady Gaga's dubious plan to become our savior; and how Ron Livingston doesn't understand Wikipedia. Happy Holidays! (Your regularly scheduled Hatecasts will resume in January).

Hatecast #25: How To Talk About Insufferable Child Authors

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Taylor Swift To Revolutionize The Greeting Card Industry

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 00:00:00 -0600

In celebration of the season, this week on the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and Megan Ganz, a writer for Important Things With Demetri Martin, discuss helpful tips for how to make every Friday a Black Friday, including "Say 'Black Friday' a lot" and "If you work in media, be sure to run 12 stories about Black Friday in the 72-hour-period leading up to Black Friday." It was all very informative, but, sadly, it was cut to make room for their discussion of more pressing matters like Al Roker's murder mystery; Taylor Swift's feelings about feelings in greeting cards; the yoga olympics; and the coveted job of Mariah Carey's couch lowerer.

Hatecast #24: Taylor Swift To Revolutionize The Greeting Card Industry

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MTV says: OMG, Look At These Guidos.

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:03:00 -0600

On this very special, 23rd edition of the Hatecast, Amelie Gillette and Sam West, Staff Writer for the Onion News Network, opened traditional 23rd podcast gifts, namely lamps, sharktooth necklaces, and lamps accented with sharktooth necklaces. It was all very something. But because the sound of opening wrapping paper isn't that compelling, they also discussed MTV's spate of pre-ridiculed tool TV shows; Guy Fieri's plan to charge $25 for a peek at a giant blender; and MC Hammer's disavowal of Hammerpants. Please, put their ramblings in your ears!

Hatecast #23: MTV says: OMG, Look At These Guidos.

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The Twilight Vampires Would Like To Sell You A Volvo

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0600

This week on the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and Carol Kolb, head writer of The Onion News Network, discuss awkward Twilight product placement; why Twitter-based sitcoms won't necessarily be any worse than non-Twitter based sitcoms; J Lo's future career as TV Movie Star; and the scourge of interactivity stupidity. If you consult the Mayan calendar for November 13, 2009, however, you'll see that a Hater podcast about scarabs and only scarabs was prophesized. Silly Mayans.

Hatecast #22: The Twilight Vampires Would Like To Sell You A Volvo

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Men text like this, but metrosexuals text like xxx

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0600

It's Entomology Appreciation week on the Hater podcast, which means that Amelie Gillette and Dan Mirk, Senior Staff Writer for The Onion News Network, recorded the podcast in a room that also contained a Musca domestica. It was thrilling. You can almost hear the housefly-related excitement in Dan and Amelie's voices as they discuss the horrors of "metrotextuality;" ABC's plan to create YouTube videos of celebrities dancing popular dances; and Wal-Mart caskets.

Hatecast #21: Men text like this, but metrosexuals text like xxx

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Y'all Jealous Of Sarah Palin

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0500

On this special Halloween edition of the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and former Onion video contributor/current writer/producer for Grist.org, Jennifer Prediger, don't mention Halloween once! But they don't need to because there is something inherently scary about every topic they discussed— which fictional characters are jealous of Sarah Palin; Charmin's devious plan to confine people to bathrooms in Times Square; and Sandra "Here's A Stack Of Cakes" Lee. Enjoy, but watch out for razorblades.

Hatecast #20: Y'all Jealous Of Sarah Palin

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Yell Me Better!

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0500

Since it's the 19th edition of the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and Brandon Haynes, Art Director of The Onion's Our Dumb World, decided to throw the best prime number party the world has ever seen! Which was pretty easy since it was the only prime number party the world had ever seen! For thirty blissfully unrecorded minutes, Brandon and Amelie only spoke to each other in prime numbers ("One?" "Three! Forty-seven five.") but eventually they got sick of nonsensical prime-number-speak, and discussed the prevalence of "Yell therapy" TV shows; George Clooney's sad fate; and how Maurice Sendak and Bronson Pinchot give the best interviews.

Hatecast #19: Yell Me Better!

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Oprah Lawsuits Are The Best Lawsuits

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0500

This edition of the Hater podcast is a joint production with Hater Industries and Rescue 911. But since Rescue 911 has been off the air since 1996, and Hater Industries isn't a real thing, Amelie Gillette and freelance writer/producer Holly Schlesinger scrapped their plans for 911 call recreations and purchasing Hater Industries business cards, and instead just discussed the strange, ridiculous beauty of an Oprah lawsuit; Ivanka Trump's asinine new advice book; and Alicia Silverstone's magical, sparkling vegan diet. Enjoy!

Hatecast #18: Oprah Lawsuits Are The Best Lawsuits

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Mo'Nique Knows She Can't Eat An Oscar

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0500

This week on the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and Nick Gallo, The Onion's Graphics Editor, used numerology to help them determine the topics. At first, all numerology told them was "three," "three," "three"—which is kind of repetitive. But it seems that Amelie & Nick weren't believing in the mystical connection between numbers and all living things hard enough, because on the second try, numerology suggested they talk about David Letterman's expertly decoded body language; Mo'Nique's fruitless search for an edible Oscar; and the widespread use of pointless celebrity voiceovers. And so talk about those topics they did. (You can't argue with the mystical connection between numbers and all living things, right?)

Hatecast #17: Mo'Nique Knows She Can't Eat An Oscar

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When You Arrest Roman Polanski, You Arrest All Film Festivals

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0500

This week on the Hater podcast, Amelie Gillette and Onion News Network Associate Producer Liz Koe share a fun and creative project you're sure to love: How to make your very own set of cornhusk dolls! They also talk about how this whole Roman Polanski arrest is really about art (if you're a delusional director); how tell-all books need to step up their game; and why the Brits love Friends. But mostly it's about the cornhusk dolls—the silent, non-existent cornhusk dolls.

Hatecast #16: When You Arrest Roman Polanksi, You Arrest All Film Festivals

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Coyotes Vs. Jessica Simpson

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0500

It's Telepathy Awareness Week on the Hater podcast! To celebrate, Amelie Gillette and Onion web producer Matt Kirsch didn't speak a single word when recording this week. Instead, they just had a thought conversation about Jessica Simpson's eternal, coyote-related sadness; The stupid Ellen/American Idol debate; and the ongoing animosity between TV and the Internet, trusting that this conversation would be communicated to the listeners via their incredible telepathic powers. Go ahead: click Play and find out if telepathy is real!

Hatecast #15: Coyotes Vs. Jessica Simpson

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Women Be Doin' Things

Amelie Gillette — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0500

While on their way to the secret underground bunker where the Hater podcast is recorded, Amelie Gillette and Kelly Shea, The Onion's Web Designer, saw a strange girl in an old-fashioned prom dress walking along the side of the road. They thought about offering her a ride, except it was pretty obvious that she was the ghost of the girl who had been killed on that road in a car accident on prom night exactly 10 years earlier, and they really didn't feel like listening to some ghost go on and on about her problems (ghosts are so self-centered.) They wanted to be the ones talking on and on—so they recorded this podcast about non-existent sex bracelets; Denmark's dubious tourism strategy; Tyra Banks's new shrine to herself; and how ladies enjoy doing things that people do.

Hatecast #14: Women Be Doin' Things

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