The Onion

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Economy Down, Crimestoppers Tips Up

As food and gas increase in price, so, too, do calls to Crimestoppers looking to trade tips for reward money. What do you think?

Asian Man

Ross Pederson,
Truck Driver
"I've just been hitting people with my car who somewhat resemble any of the wanted posters down at the post office."

Old Man

Henry Wakeman,
Fruit Picker
"This is quite a quandary. I need to purchase a Stop Snitching shirt and DVD, but I can't afford them without calling Crimestoppers."

Old Woman

Debbie Flemming,
Accountant
"What a waste of time. Now, being an FBI informant–that's where the real money's at."

Personal of the Day